Itch and Tear
by OrionsVisiting
Summary: It was back again, that feeling. That horrible yearning, that itching to it, that she hadn't felt after a long time. And she hated herself for it. § Katara-centric with a focus on the water tribe siblings with light Zutara. Rated T for violence and bloodbending. Set after/during Southern Raiders


Shut up I don't care if the fandoms dead I wanna write this.

I'm currently re-binging season 3 of the show and just really felt like an explanation scene for bloodbending was needed. Also an apology to Sokka.

Set during and after _Southern Raiders._

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

The itching was back.

Katars had felt it immediately after what she had done to that man. She had felt it again.

And as she and Zuko rode back to camp in silence, she was shaking. The fire bender mistook it for grief and had laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. But she did not shake out of grief, at least not fully.

Katara shook out of fear.

Because the itching was back and she didn't think this time she'd survive it. Especially not with a full moon around the corner in just two days.

The feeling...it was hard to describe. It felt like every cell in her body was aching and uncomfortable, just begging her to move into the stance, and curve her fingers just the right way. Like the way you'd anticipate to pop a pimple, or swat a fly away from ones face.

It almost felt like the moon in the sky was burning into her, mocking her, teasing her, reminding her with every second that she could _feel _Zuko's blood and heartbeat so clearly, and Appas underneath them. The moon reminded her that it would be the simplest thing ever just to lift her fingers and to spread them, making them dance as her puppets.

She prayed for the morning to come, and for them to arrive at camp.

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

It wasn't much better during the day.

H

Not only because of the itching, but because she had to face her brother, which made her just as afraid as her thirst to practice the forbidden art.

When Sokka had looked at her after they'd arrived again, he had a haunted look in his eyes. She had torn something inside him that she'd never be able to heal, that nothing, maybe not even time could heal.

After dinner she'd tried confronting him. She had wanted to apologize for what she had said, but her tongue felt knotted and she felt nauseous beyond belief. Katara thinks Sokka could tell. He smiled at her but it couldn't quite reach his eyes. He looked tired.

"It's ok", he said softly.

"No-Sokka no it's really not-I-I'm sorry-", she spoke too fast and was tripping over her words. He interrupted her.

"Katara, it's ok. I'm not mad, really. It's fine."

She reached her arm out to touch him but Sokka just stared at her, that horrible haunted look in his eyes and he turned and started walking towards his tent, wrapping his arms around himself as if he were freezing.

She felt behind her that the moon was reaching out from beneath the water as the sun set. She could make him turn, make him hug her, make him stay and it would be so easy. But what the moon couldn't do is make him forgive her. Love her.

_No, Sokka isn't mad at me. He's heartbroken, _she thought.

Tears welled up in her eyes and the grass underneath her feet and near her wilted and shriveled. She turned around and saw Zuko standing at a distance, not looking at her but had clearly observed the situation. She didn't want to confront him.

Instead she went down to the sea, and bended the giant waves into complex swires and patterns, exhausting herself in the hopes that expelling so much energy would stop her cravings.

It didn't.

The tingling, itching in her fingers didn't stop, didn't weaken even a bit.

A lop-eared rabbit hopped somewhere behind her, Katara only feeling it's quick little heartbeat. The thought crossed her mind to snap it's neck, and frightened by her own morbidity, she quickly shook the thought away.

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

The next day wasn't any better.

She spends most of it in her tent, almost feeling like she had a fever, feeling fatigued and sweating profusely, the feeling intensifying with the hour. The nausea had formed a permanent brick in her stomach. She told the others she felt sick as an excuse not to interact with them. Aang and Suki had nodded understanding at this, Sokka gave a concerned look before turning away, and Zuko and Toph just stared, both in their own ways being able to tell she was partially lying. Toph held her mouth about it. Not saying a word she just stared at Katara with her glassy, unseeing eyes, shifting her feet as she felt Kataras heartbeat change at the lie, and Katara's fingers twitching as she herself felt Toph's. She didn't know why Toph didn't speak, but was thankful.

Zuko on the other hand had only felt the need to confronted her later.

After the others went to sleep, she snuck out of camp. She walked for a long time before coming to a spot high up, far away from the others, that was slightly sheltered by small trees, bushes and undergrowth.

Her body was pulsing with every breath. Her hands shaking and her entire self _itching-_no at this point _burning_ and _begging _her to control, to destroy, to tear something apart.

She had gotten a taste of the power with Hama, and now again with the Southern Raider, and now she wanted to stretch herself out and fully become what her body wanted. She needed to do this.

She didn't dare say the name.

She inhales quietly to herself as she fully realize this, but by then she was already moving- Already automatically spreading her arms and legs out, twisting her body and curving her fingers into claws and bending her torso down, her eyes shut.

And then she _spins._

Whipping around at an intense speed, she feels almost in slow motion, the water in every tree, every bush, every piece of grass, and she took it with her, closing her hands into fists. The bugs on the ground, and the mice in their burrows, she feels them too, twisting them with her as she tears the liquid from their tiny body's, bringing it into her cloud of water she had now raised over her head, that she bended into small spirals. Her cheeks burn with shame of her actions.

That is the moment Katara realizes that her heartbeat is not the only one here. The heartbeat was distinct, and familiar. Horrified, she dropped the water at her side before speaking, trying to sound calm.

"I know you're here Zuko."

To her right he stepped out from behind a dead tree, his footsteps crunching on the dead grass.

"How long have you been here"

"Only a few minutes", he said quietly, almost warily.

"Oh."

"I followed you because I was worried about you, after everything that has happened and I mean, after we came back I wanted to give you time to recover before talking", he trailed off, collecting himself before continuing, "but you know, standing here I must ask you; What is all of this? What's going on with you Katara."

She closed her eyes. The itching was back again, starting in her fingertips and quickly spreading, and she stopped herself from letting out a sob. She felt disgusted at herself. She looked around now, seeing the damage she had caused, the murder she'd committed, the tiny dried up mouse carcass beside one of Zukos feet, and the moon was silent above her.

"Can we talk somewhere else?"

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

They sat by a patch of grass overlooking the sea near their camp, sitting in silence for awhile.

"Around half a year ago, we ran into an old woman who had formerly been part of the Southern Water Tribe", Katara began,"She was a waterbender. The only other Southern Water Tribe waterbender I've ever met. She...seemed kind."

Zuko was silent.

"She taught me things, about waterbending. About how water is in everything. The air, the grass...Everything that lived." In a small demonstration, Katara pulled a small orb of water from one of the pieces of grass underneath them.

"Though she taught me some amazing things, she...she also taught me other things. Awful things."

"What kind of things?", Zuko asked quietly.

"She taught me how to hurt someone without touching them or bending water, but by bending the…liquid inside their bodies. This was something they could only waterbenders could perform at full moon, when they're the strongest",she felt Zuko's pulse quicken.

"She called it..._bloodbending", _Katara spat out, the word finally coming out of her mouth after being inside her for so long, rotting her from the inside out.

"The man two nights ago, did you bloodbend him?", Zuko asked, the unfamiliar word sounding strange on his tongue.

"I-I did. Even though after Hama-the old woman, I had sworn never to do it again, to never even talk about or let anyone know of its existence aside from Aang, Toph and Sokka", she felt vile even speaking her brothers name after what she had done.

"When I saw that man, I just- I just got so angry. I wanted, I needed him to kneel in front of me. I needed him to be as powerless as I felt when he killed my mother", a tear ran down the waterbenders face and her voice shook. She stared at her hands, feeling the itch to slam Zuko's head into the ground beneath them, and hurl his body of the cliff. She sobbed.

"But bloodbending comes with a price every time I use it; A part of my sanity. It's-it's like a drug, begging me to use it whenever the moon is at its fullest. It's this terrible _itch_ to use this power, to make others feel it. After I'd first done it it took three months to stop, and now…"

Zuko spoke for the first time in what felt like hours, "Do you feel it only at night ?"

Katara shook her head "No Zuko, I feel it at every waking second. It's killing me."

She stared at the moon in front of her as she felt Zuko staring at her.

"And what does it feel like", he asked softly.

"Like an _itch" , _she repeated and then continued, " like the way you'd automatically want to scratch a bug bite, I want to bend. I want the feeling to stop. At every waking second I'm so painfully aware of every living beings heartbeat, I can feel the blood pumping through them, and I want to grab that being", she formed her hand into a fist, "I want to grab them and make them _mine_. I want to make them suffer", her voice shook with anger and sorrow, her suffering seeping through.

"I believe...this is my punishment for not taking revenge for my mother. I think the moon is punishing me for my weakness. Making me suffer because because I didn't kill Yon Rah, didn't resort to violence, yet I'm still turning into a _monster_." Tears ran down her face and she sobbed, curling into herself.

She was so caught up in her monologue, she hadn't noticed that there was someone else here. She know felt his heartbeat, and now as he kneeled down to hug her, she could smell his familiar scent too.

"_Oh Katara_", she heard Sokka say, him resting his chin on her head gently, and holding her as she wept, "I'm sorry that you're going through this. I didn't know."

She know realized he had probably been listening in for a while, and was surprised he wasn't disgusted by her words.

"Katara", Zuko said, and she looked up at him through tears.

"You aren't a monster. Your emotions are just...jumbled together and you're having a hard time controlling everything going on inside you. But you aren't a monster. We can help you fight this."

"He's right. You don't have to suffer alone anymore."

She wept and held her brother until she couldn't weep anymore. The two boys then guided her back to her tent. She embraced Zuko tightly, and he hugged her back with the same intensity, and afterwards placed a kiss on her forehead. She wanted to thank him badly for helping her and listening, but after exchanging a nod with Sokka, he was already walking away towards his own tent before she could.

The siblings stood there for a moment in silence, not knowing what to do now.

"Can you please stay with me", Katara pleaded quietly.

"Yeah."

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

They laid down in the tent together, laying side by side with Kataras head resting on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for what I said", Katara began.

"Katara I already told you it's fine-"

"No, please let me explain myself",she interrupted and Sokka nodded slowly.

"It's not true- What I said about you loving mom less, it's absolutely not true. And I knew that even as I said it. I just… I didn't understand why you weren't as angry as me, not as willing to get revenge, but I understand now."

"To me, it felt so personal because I knew the man, had heard him speak down to our mother in her last moments, and _hated _him for that. And I hated dad for not coming quicker, hated you for not being there and most of all hating _myself_ for not standing up to that man back then. My anger against him and myself clouded over my love for my family, and I'm sorry for that."

"I understand. It's just...Sometimes I do feel like I loved her less. I-I have a hard time remembering what she looks like, or what her voice sounded like."

"What about Stories?"

"Stories?"

"Mom and dad told you way more stories then they told me. Do you remember any?"

Sokka shifted beside her, now sounding excited "Oh yeah! You probably never heard the one…"

Sokka started talking, and soon they began exchanging stories and laughing and just so fondly reminiscing over their childhood.

And as this all occurred, Katara felt the moon scream in anger above her and her body itch and inwardly blister and burn.

But she was back, herself again, and surrounded by love and people that cared, and the itching did not seem to bother her so much anymore.

~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~§~

Thank you for reading. Leave a review if you'd like, don't if you don't, and have a fine navy day.


End file.
